archived entries for April 2004

Thursday, April 22, 2004
i'm out
It's official. The clock has run out and I am now out of work. Sweet, my first layoff. I have begun the hunt for a new career? New life? New adventure? Kyle (an Army Ranger doing God knows what, God knows where) has suggested I try my hand at government intelligence action. Hrm, perhaps I may.

In the meantime I'm taking a drive home (all 22 hrs) to be with friends and family to help soften the blow to the ego. All will be well, I suspect, but in life you just never know when it will be up or when it will be down. I may check in during the time off, if anything to announce my yearlong odyssey to Europe, but we'll see how things go in the next few weeks. Cheers.

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Sunday, April 18, 2004
a little sunshine
Since wallowing in self-pity and grieving over uncertainty is no way to spend a gorgeous Florida spring weekend, I decided to get out of the house. After a nice morning run and a workout at the clubhouse I spent a couple of hours at a local Borders perusing magazines and getting started on a couple of books. I finally got around to picking up The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy which I nearly finished in the bookstore, so I suppose I was obligated to go ahead a purchase it. It’s some good stuff, thanks Melissa. I think I'll be polishing off the series next weekend. I also picked up Travels by Michael Crichton and The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. I’ve been meaning to get Travels for a while now and decided check into what all the hype was about for The Code. So I should be good for this month. Hopefully I’ll get into the two books a month routine I pledged to myself at the beginning of this year because my books-to-read backlog is getting crazy. And a nice bonus, there was a sale on some Calvin & Hobbes anthologies which helped fill out my collection.

What about the sunshine? Oh yeah, I spent the remainder of the afternoon, probably a good three hours, out at the beach at an open basketball court. Got a chance to hoop it up with the local bball denizens of the Southside area and the beach. Yes I got schooled a bit, but tis to be expected when I haven’t been balling for a while. Though, it was a good time and I’ll pick up my game soon enough. Most of the guys out there played at least in high school, though a lot of them at college and there’s a six-two chick who played for Kentucky who comes out every once in a while. She schooled quite a few people. I think I may have to make this a routine; well once I heal from the crippling soreness I’m suffering through right now. But, I should be good to go by next Saturday.

And hey, and congrats to Radio Paradise for the write up in Time magazine. Very cool to see they are getting some props. It is indeed a paradise for those looking for refuge from the inferior output of today’s radio stations. It has served as a fantastic source of some truly great music. I highly recommend giving them a listen and do support them if you dig it!

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Tuesday, April 13, 2004
the hardest thing to say
First, sorry Sam for being so abrupt on the phone. You called while I was my mind was exploding with unrestrained incredulity at the remarks being made by our commander in chief. I just don’t know what hell the deal is (see, I’m so flustered I can’t even follow basic sentence structure). Tonight I watched as this country’s leader continued to evade responsibility for the tragic events of September 11th. There’s no question in anybody’s mind that there were definite failures throughout this administration with regard to intelligence and the handling of terrorist cells. Regardless if it was the C.I.A., F.B.I., N.S.A or the Pentagon, the ultimate responsibility lies with the president. And I simply cannot believe that he and his entire administration continue to rebuff any attempt to simply say, “I’m sorry”. Why the hell can’t they say it? He could wrap up this election just by saying, “I’m sorry. This horrible tragedy happened on my watch and we failed in our duty to protect the citizens of this country. I vow to never let this happen again, here or anywhere at anytime in the world.” I still wouldn’t vote for him, but I’m sure it would go a long way to win over some of those on the fence and definitely solidify his current supporters. What's with the posturing?

Look, no one could have foreseen those events on 9/11. Crystal ball or three witches, intelligence or not, the type of horror inflicted by psychopathic ideological zealots will always manage to slip the best of defenses. For every thousand successful attempts at thwarting evil, it only takes one to remind us we’ll never be safe as long as people continue to suffer at the hands of other people. So this ridiculous game of trying to blame someone is doing nothing and is a colossal waste of time, not to mention it’s a disgrace. The real investigation should be concerned with what failures there were, what broken pieces remain, and how to fix them.

Honestly, I couldn’t care less who was at fault. Our government as a whole just flat out failed. If it was gross incompetence, then yes roast the pig bastards, but if it just was unfortunate circumstances, then what can you really do? But the way this administration continues to ignore their part in this security failure is just wrong. And then have the gall to shift the blame on agencies and direct reports? For the president to put up his hands shake his head and say that he was just as misinformed about the situation with al Qaeda, Saddam Hussein, and Iraq as everybody else is plain insanity. This is THE guy who’s supposed to have the most reliable answers. And then he wants our country to take a stance of preemptive military action around the world with a faulty intelligence gathering and analysis faculty? The sheer inability to see that bad connection alone should be grounds for impeachment. And I guess I’ll spare the whole misrepresentation of the war on Iraq.

I believe the president is earnest in his convictions and truly believes he is doing the right thing in Iraq. But my question is this, if it was truly the right thing to do, then why was he not as forthcoming about his true goal of freeing the Iraqi people and the setting up of a stable democracy in the Middle East before committing our nation’s resources to that end? If I were really a cynical bastard, I’d go so far as to speculate that the whole reason for this entire Iraq debacle was to distract the American public from the futile war on terror and this administration’s dismal handling of the economy all the while lining the pockets of the wealthy while placating the rest of the nation with good ole boy, “I’m just like you” rhetoric and slight of hand “tax cuts”. But I’m not there… yet.

And, um seriously dude needed a haircut.

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Monday, April 12, 2004
dying a virgin
On the recommendation of Sam, I checked out The Virgin Suicides. This coming off my fascination with Ms. Coppola’s more lauded writing and directing stint Lost in Translation (which I connected with and enjoyed more). Gotta say this first major work of hers was a miss for me. That's not to say I didn't enjoy it, just didn't quite feel it as much as I did with her sophomore effort. I’m sure going through the cerebral exercise as many have already done will yield many a metaphor and symbolism so perhaps I just wasn’t in a reflexive mood. About the only thing I could take away from the film was the haunting fear of dying a virgin. And I mean not just in the sense of carnal knowledge (which was evidently not the case with Lux). It’s that fear of never getting the chance to experience life the way you’d like it to be. To be able to shed the chaste life set by the rules of others and fully explore the real joys life has to offer with full abandon. For some that lies in love, for others it could be respect, possibly power and wealth. Whatever the expected fantasy, it’s often a harsh reality when forced to realize that you don’t always get what you want. It is immensely more disappointing when your whole life has been dictated and will remain uncultivated, unexplored and ultimately unfulfilling. It’s a horrible thing. Enough so to drive some to give up and let go with maybe the hope of another chance or at the very least to spare themselves of a lifetime of knowing what will or perhaps can never be.

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Thursday, April 08, 2004
the end of all things
I apologize to my loyal fans for the temporary outage. It’s all been fixed and those responsible have been punish-shed. During the down time, as expected, the poo smacked up the fan pretty good.

First, I’m sad to say that my earlier suspicions last month were correct. Damn my intuitive self. The Man has set the clock on when I’m to find alternative employ either internally or with another organization. It sucks. The groveling, the pleading, the praying it’s really unbecoming. And all that’s just to get up in the morning! No, no things aren’t that bad. I’ve examined some of my options, which includes scenarios involving the selling of the house. And the worst case scenario has me lost somewhere in southeast France with a panini, des frites, un jus d’orange et non argent. So, it’s not all that bad. I could be worse off.

I must say, however, my experience thus far in the large corporate world has been hugely dissatisfying and disenchanting. It’s possible I chose the wrong company and/or the wrong industry. It’s possible that my place and potential in the company was horrendously mismanaged from the beginning and handled extremely poorly in these last few months. Whatever. At first there was some disappointment in myself for failing to achieve success, but on further introspection I’m certain the majority of this end result was not due to my performance on the job or lack of effort. Regardless, there still remains the pang of failure. One likes to think they are useful, skilled and important in the job they do, but sometimes that just isn’t the case. Unfortunately, I held on to the notion that I could become a significant asset to the company for a bit longer than I should have. Despite that vaunted intuition of mine continuously nagging that this doesn’t look like it’s going to work out. Yet, my eagerness and ambition kept me plugging away. Sometimes it takes a smack in the face to wake up and put things into focus. And thank goodness, because things would have been horrid if I had a job and begrudged every minute of it. Who would want to spend their life that way? It’s too short to waste it slaving for a paycheck. Yes, this epiphany comes on the heels of getting booted to the curb and reeks a little of self-justification and self-assurance that things occur for a reason, but you know and I know that bit of wisdom remains true.

So what’s in store for me? I don’t know. I’m kinda looking around the area for some new opportunities, but nothing is all that interesting. I’ve got enough saved up to go without employment for a month or two and still be able to keep the lights on (with some budget cuts), but if things aren’t looking rosy by the end of this month I may be heading off to Saumur.

Oh yeah, my house kinda almost burned down last weekend. Stupid pyromaniacs.

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