archived entries for December 2004

Tuesday, December 28, 2004
sad, but you know
As I watch the coverage of the incredibly tragic catastrophe in Southern Asia I can’t help but feel a twinge of, I don’t know, shame. Perhaps I’m being overly sensitive, but I bristle every time the talking heads focus on how many ‘tourists’ were killed or playing up how many U.S. citizens were killed or missing. But that’s our news, if it’s not happening here or involving our citizens or Europeans, we don’t much care.

Perhaps it’s a way to humanize the situation for us, as disgusting as that sounds. On our own island, to identify with what’s happening in the world there must be a U.S. or European angle. For the majority of viewers, it seems there has to be someone who looks like them or a family member to hammer home a tragedy. It’s sad really. I mean, when you see such an indelible image how can you not feel it in your gut? How can the loss and suffering not be anymore palpable for you because it happened to him and not some suburban Ohio family or Swedish tourists?

But then again things are never real until they happen to you. And how could one comprehend the massive scale of human ruin without the more intimate stories of loss and suffering? Forty-four thousand confirmed dead, thus far, and the number will continue to climb. The number is so overwhelming it’s difficult to fit into your reality. When I first saw the news popping up on the Web Sunday morning, the death toll started in the hundreds. Then it climbed, three, five, seven, eleven, fourteen thousand. And considering the population of the devastated areas and the massive scale of destruction, you just knew the number was going to climb. And that’s just from the tsunami impact. How many will perish from the aftermath of disease, lack of clean water, and an inadequate infrastructure for relief?

Another thing that I found, well absurd frankly, was the almost insulting paltry sum of $15 million, initially pledged in aid from the U.S. I’ll admit when I first saw that figure, I balked and felt anger. Granted, it is “initial” aid and, I hope, just a direct monetary representation, not including other forms of aid such as food, water, shelter, medicine and such. And probably more may come from the private sector such as direct donations from citizens and corporations. Of course, some will argue that they’d rather not have our government commit too much of it’s discretionary funds due to more pressing concerns or that that area just doesn’t “cost” that much to rebuild and aid. But when you think of all the millions of dollars wasted on frivolous political projects, you can’t help feeling a tad indignant at the official representation of international aid our government proffered, especially considering the “biblical” scale of devastation.

At any rate, please visit the Red Cross to donate immediately or check this list (scroll down a bit to the ‘How to’ aid menu) on ways to help.

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Friday, December 24, 2004
on this Christmas Eve
So I sit here alone in my house on this Eve attempting to conjure some Christmas magic. I didn’t make the trip back home, which infinitely sucks, so now I’m sitting here whining in type. And this year I was especially keen on returning home.

I believe this will be the first Christmas since my birth that I’ve spent away from the family. No sir, I don’t like it. I played around with even doing the surprise flight home and showing up on the doorstep just at suppertime. But what they never show you in the movies is the absolutely ridiculous airfare that one pays to make that happen. I love my family and friends so, but I'm sure they wouldn't want me to spend a mortgage payment to visit them for a day, even on a special one.

Well, I’ll be sure to never let this happen again. As it is, I’ll curl up on the couch and fall asleep watching old movies or maybe I’ll go rent some.

Anyway, to loved ones and everyone else, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a good night!

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Thursday, December 23, 2004
premonition or kooky subconscious?
As usual, the workday morning commenced with the buzzer of doom (you know, enh enh enh enh enh enh) tearing me from my embalming slumber. However, this morning my subconscious left a lingering scene to plague my early morning induced consciousness. It is not very common for me to remember something other than the black void of sleep when I wake, but from time to time the subliminal likes to entertain its elevated sibling with flash shots of the party it throws down when the lights go out.

So this morning, as I staggered across the room to abuse the snooze button, I was treated to a play on my decisions and doubts concerning my pursuit of doctoral studies. It went something like so…

I was sitting in a generic academic office, perhaps the one of dean of weird-ass dreams and what not, on the bad side of a fancy, bigMchugelarge, mahagony bureau being questioned on why I think I should pursue a PhD in business. I don’t really know who… or what was asking me questions, but the atmosphere felt interrogatory. Then behind me I hear a voice begin to exposit my virtues being aptly applied to research in Psychology. I turn to see Adrian Brody (don’t ask… I think the last thing I saw before going to bed was that stupid coke commercial) waxing poetic about my fit in various institutions. I’m all like, “psychology”? Apparently the bad ass behind the desk was thinking the same thing and asks, “psychology”?

That’s when some wise ass in the more shadowy and sinister corner pipes up taking the vague form of “ hey it’s that guy!” guy. He responds with, “Oh sure, let’s look at the potential of our graduate student here. The one school that accepted Mr. Roland’s application, Western Wyoming A & M, has a fine organizational behavior program… for cattle. But smarty-pants here thinks his above bovine. Say can we hurry up this thing, there were some rabbits giving me the eye earlier and I’ve got a Firebird with the engine running.”

Yeah, and I had just woken up. I certainly wasn’t ready to compute. What did it all mean? Dunno. Do I have some self-doubts? Do I have some latent dislike of bunnies? Should I see a shrink? All very real possibilities. I suppose this is why we don’t let the other side out free to roam around.

As for reality, I’ve set in motion some of the things I’ll need to do to prepare for my pursuit of a PhD, though admittedly, I still feel in some small way I’m trying to convince myself that this is indeed a “calling”. Is the hint of uncertainty just a normal reaction to changing the direction of your life or a true anxiousness of choosing the wrong life?

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Wednesday, December 22, 2004
concluded... with extras
So I’ve finally completed the entire cinematic experience of Peter Jackson’s, what can honestly be said, miracle of film. The marathon was quite a feat itself. I started at 1 pm Saturday and finished a little half past midnight Sunday morning. It was so awesome. The lingering days were spent squeezing in the ROTK extended edition appendices. I think those ‘making of’ documentaries are just as fascinating as the final product. Through those bits of behind the scenes you truly begin to appreciate the spectacular effort of a group of people so passionate and dedicated to the work they do.

The greatest works on earth simply come from a place not so easily reached by simple effort. There’s a passion, a dedication – a straight out obsession with bringing an inspired imagination to bear upon the real world. And we lecherous boobs enjoy the fruits of such torturous labor, often without a true appreciation of what magnificent sacrifices were made. Which is why I love and am thankful for the segments featuring those people on the other side of film, the “little people” that made everything work. And I imagine that those behind the scenes features can only give us an inkling of what it must have been really like to work on such a monumental achievement in film. Watching those people discuss and demonstrate their part in making the movies makes you appreciate the final product on another level. I even caught some things I never really noticed before in watching the films which were pointed out in the impassioned interviews of the crew.

I’ve always believed that it’s the details that differentiate the good from the astonishing. And Peter Jackson’s (the documentaries demonstrate just how much of this film is due to him), The Lord of the Rings is preeminent testimonial to that belief. Which makes the recognition of the Academy all the more appropriate. Not that it mattered to those who really saw these films, or rather this film, for what it was, but that those eleventy Oscars provided the detailed recognition that was fitting for the achievement wrought by all those involved with bringing Middle Earth to life. And after seeing what went into the making of this film, there could be no doubt that every award there was to give should have gone to that cast and crew.

Bravo to them. They set out to do justice to a literary masterpiece crafted by a genius and in turn fashioned a chef d'oeuvre and genius of their own. Indeed marvelous.

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Monday, December 13, 2004
and so it ends
In one day the conclusion to my collection of epic cinema will arrive. The final installment of the Lord of the Rings shipped today and will be my precious this time tomorrow. So, yes you know what this means. That's right, a Lord of the Rings extended edition movie marathon!! Yep, come this Saturday I will be devouring all eleventy hours and six minutes. How evil indeed.

Nevertheless, I got the couch prepared, the system tweaked and the snackage lined up for this momentous occasion! I’m such a geek.

So if you keep getting the voicemail, then you know why.

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Thursday, December 09, 2004
on a Christmas day
Since it is that time again, I present to you a poem to help illustrate why I love this season most... even if it's fricken eighty degrees and sunny right now.

So, tell me Christmas
Are we wise
To believe in things we never see
Are prayers just wishes in disguise
And are these wishes being granted me
For now I see
The answering
To every prayer I've prayed

She's coming home this Christmas Day

So tell me Christmas
Are we kind
More this day than any other day
Or is it only in our mind
And must it leave when you have gone away
It's different now
It's changed somehow
And now you're here to stay

She's coming home this Christmas Day

All at once the world
It doesn't seem the same
And in a single night
You know it all has changed
And everything is now as it should be

I have the ornament
I have the perfect tree
I have a string of lights
I have a chance to see
Everything that my heart thought could be

For of all the dreams
You were the first I knew
And every other one
Was a charade of you
You stayed close when I was far away

In the darkest night
You always were the star
You always took us in
No matter who we are
And so she's coming home this Christmas Day

An abridged version of that beautiful tale so marvelously crafted by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. If you haven't already, you really need to at least get Christmas Eve & Other Stories. Just put it on repeat, curl up with a loved one under the soft glow of a lighted tree and the cozy crackling of a fire place and listen to the magic of Christmas.

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Monday, December 06, 2004
injustice 101
Cal got robbed. Soooo got robbed. It's almost as bad as Tyrone Willingham's contemptible dismissal.

This is bad voodoo man. College football better brace for the Karmic repercussions. See, so messed up I'm mixing religious dogma.

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