archived entries for October 2005

Thursday, October 06, 2005
how much of our brother are we to keep
Something has been bothering me about the federal aid that we’re providing directly to the city of New Orleans. It’s the same sort of irk that I get when I see people demanding assistance, especially when they refuse to do for themselves. Certainly in a civilized, idealistic and moral world, everyone would do what they could for people in need and to make sure things are set right as best they can, while at the same time those being helped would understand that there is no obligation for people to assist them, be appreciative of it and do their best to get back on their own feet and pay back those that lent a hand. But at the moment, we haven’t fully realized that type of world.

Understanding that what happened in New Orleans is unprecedented in terms of destruction on an entire city scale and indescribably tragic, what I can’t quite comprehend is the asinine lack of understanding that leaders at the city, state and federal levels are displaying. To be frank, if not practical, the city of New Orleans is not worth rebuilding; at least not in its previous form. To start, it’s in an area below sea level prone to hurricanes. Um, that’s not reason enough? The city is nearly surrounded by water, with Lake Pontchartrain, the Mississippi River and the Gulf of Mexico all sitting above the city. And all of their natural tendencies are to fill the bowl of New Orleans. The current infrastructure dealing with removing and keeping the water out is decrepit and that was before Hurricane Katrina. Yet emotions and sentiment are running high, which may be dictating a lot of what’s happening now. However, I’d rather it not be on my dime (or borrowed dimes) or in lieu or more important expenditures, that money is wasted on impractical objectives.

Before even thinking about rebuilding the city, those issues concerning the bodies of water need to be addressed. The thing is that to engineer a system to defeat the natural tendencies of those bodies of water including a seemingly newly developing weather pattern (i.e., increased storm activity in the area) would be to incur a cost astronomically high. And for what? A city that was skeevy to begin with. Sure there was history and whimsical notions of bon temps, but is it compulsory for the nation to foot the bill for that? Did or does the city offer anything else that the nation would deem more worthy of federal government expenditures? Okay, it was a major port. So then we aren’t the companies that utilize it pay to get it back up and running?

No, if the government is to spend money on the situation, I’d rather it go to help the people displaced and disrupted by the storms (yes including those less sensationalized folks in Mississippi and Alabama) get back on their feet. Note, that’s to help them get back up. The work of returning to a normal life still should rest with them. If people want the city back, well that’s an endeavor and risk for them to take up on their own.

buy stuff, feel better
Not really, but it helps take the mind off things, if only temporarily. Hey, it’s better than drugs and/or alcohol. I think.

Anyway, I guess I was really late to the party but I discovered that my local cable provider offers digital video recording (DVR) devices as a part of its service (they started offering it last November). But then again they call it bleeding edge for a reason. For the two seconds you’ll blissfully enjoy brand spanking new hi-tech, you’ll spend too much money and too much time banging your head against a wall (where some of the bleeding might occur) trying to get it to work again. Then in a few months time, when most of the bugs have been worked out, the masses will begin to adopt said new hi-tech gizmo that will have better features, less problems all for a cheaper price. Then you stab yourself in the eye for being an idiot (presumably were the other bleeding occurs).

Of course, for a small monthly fee (which is added on to a bunch of “small” fees to make one very large one) I get to record television shows all without a vcr or Tivo. In fact, it’s even better than Tivo because a) the monthly “subscription” cost is less b) dual tuners allow me to record two shows at the same time or watch one show while recording another at the same time or record two shows and watch previously recording material at the same time c) I can record and playback High Definition content in all its glory and d) no $99 to $999 spent just buying the contraption. Plus all that stuff about pausing live tv, rewinding and whatnot (comes in REAL handy when watching LOST).

Okay so I didn’t really buy it, more like leasing. But I still come up shiny considering the monthly cost is less and no upfront cost of actually buying a Tivo box. And I didn’t have to pay the retarded “installation” fee that those jokers like to charge for an idiot to come out, plug stuff in (often incorrectly) and turn it on. And don’t think of asking any questions while they’re at it because if they do venture beyond the standard “I don’t know” response, they’ll feed you some poo that is often debunked by spending two seconds on the Internet (I ♥ the Internet). Instead I just hauled my old cable box to the service center, swapped it for the new DVR version and went on my merry way. Hooked everything up and I was good to go. Maybe I should start charging for installation! And I could actually answer questions.

But really, I don’t think there’s a better deal out there as far as DVRs go if you’ve got cable HD. I do feel somewhat better though, thanks.

downtime
Just a heads up for you guys that still hang out here every once in a while. My current webhost is moving on to bigger and better things so I’ll have to find a new place to park my crap. Which means that in the coming weeks, when traveling to this address, there may be nothing here. Not to fret, it just means that I haven’t found another host.

But, I will get the site back up as soon as possible so you won’t miss out on this fine repository of dryer lint. More frequent postings are another matter. You have been so notified.

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Tuesday, October 04, 2005
of timidity and not crying in your milk
Okay, so I gathered enough courage to ask out a girl that works in the office. I had been interested in her for a while, but still hesitant to do anything about it even amongst the repeated chorus of JAHOYFT from friends, family and pretty much everyone else not in the same awkward position. I’m sure there are a myriad of reasons, but the foremost probably being rejection sucks. Hard. But I suppose knowing that there’s no chance versus not knowing if one exists at all is of some consolation. Better to kill the dream and move on rather than wondering what-if in perpetuity. Like the Boss said, “Is a dream a lie if it don't come true, or is it something worse?” I vote for it being worse, but still, being unrequited still blows.

So anyway, I took initiative and decided it was silly that I was still timid in asking girls out. I don’t know why, perhaps it’s just my nature, perhaps it’s a track record of 0 and a bunch, perhaps it’s because I put a lot pressure on the situation. I guess wanting to find a soul mate or “the one” every time you go out can be a draining experience and is almost guaranteed to sabotage any new venture into dating, even those just at the stage of asking. But looking beyond that I guess it’s time to subscribe to a different outlook. I’m not sure what that would be though.

But whatever outlook, it’s just so damn exhausting for me to go through the build up of confidence, of positive thinking, of not trying to get overly wound up or attached to the notion that maybe just maybe she could be Her. And at the moment of truth it’s all for naught. Though in many of my cases, such as this one, it was a delayed deflation. Perhaps it’s in my delivery. I mean girls don’t mind being asked out by someone they’re interested in, but by someone they’re not? Well, it’s sort of a deer in the headlights look and the response is whatever they can think of to get out of the apparent ambush. And for the most part girls are non-confrontational so that means… “um sure, yes” while not looking so sure. Of course, by now I should be able to intuit that such a false positive, much like a confession after torture, would mean the inevitable retraction to said agreement just prior to when the proposed engagement was supposed to occur. And the excuses can be varied, but often it’s along the lines of “I’ve just got too much going on right now” or “I’m just not seeing anyone right now”, basically the I-don’t-want-to-hurt-your-feelings code for “I meant to say no and I’m not interested in you”. Sometimes it’s “not in that way” and sometimes it’s just “no period”.

Of course, I tried to play it off as it’s no big deal and that if she’s not interested it’s cool. Which of course would be the truth in about a week or so after the rejection pains start to fade away. Often it’s said, “well what’s the worst that will happen, she’ll so no?” I’m fairly sure worse could happen, such as saying no, pointing and laughing, sending out mass emails humiliating my weak-ass attempt at asking her out and then running over my dog. Not that it’s happened, I’m just saying, it could be worse. Yet, the sting of being rejected isn’t something that just rolls off my back, especially if my futile attempts are very few and far between. So, I’m sure the situation may be a little awkward now for the moment, but I think I’ll rebound a bit more quickly this time around and in the future. I think I’ve matured a little this time. I can’t expect every girl asked to accept my offer of time spent getting to know each other (but every once in awhile would be a nice change of pace) nor can I think that they would be the “one”. However, I can’t just sit on the sidelines and lament why it’s so easy for other people and why I don’t have a significant other to fawn over. Oh whatever, this still sucks. Tell me again why I couldn’t be Taye Diggs?

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